we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
