Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
