3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
