Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
