Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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