these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
