I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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