I wish life had little blips of pornography
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She bit a glass in half.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
