I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
