the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
