my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
