I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
