You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
