the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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