you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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