barbara walters just said penis...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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