What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm at about main and main street
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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