I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
