I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
