Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
