He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
