I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
