he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There r osticjed everywhere
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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