He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
