I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
