My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
