So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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