you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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