So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
