He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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