i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
