He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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