Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
