i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
