Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
