I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
