Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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