You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
