we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
whose parrot is this?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
