Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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