Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
