im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
it's like heaven, but drunker
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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