Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
