mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
