Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
worst night to have a conscience
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
