Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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