I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
