grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
