you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
