I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
