Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
