I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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